Every parent knows having kids is a lot of work, but we still sign up for it!

When my husband and I did our premarital counseling, we agreed that we would have 0 or 2 kids together. I was going to be a step-mom to his two kids (check out my blog Was My Dream a Prophecy?), so I would be happy with doing that alone, or possibly having a couple of my own. I always knew if I had one child, then I'd want two so they could be close in age like my brother and I are. He and I are 1 ½ years apart…we were best friends growing up because we moved around so much; we only had each other to hang out with between meeting new friends.

When we were in high school, we would walk together in the halls, joke around, share friends, etc, so much that the new classmates asked if we were dating. They would remark, “I've never seen a brother and sister get along so well!”

I wanted that for my own kids. A sibling that would be there for them.

After 2 years of marriage, we bought a house in VA (post to come on that!) and decided we were ready to have a baby. I had prayed about it because bringing a life into this world is a huge deal. It's a lifelong commitment and choice to bring a living soul into this world.

The what-if game plagued my mind. What if he/she turned out to be a terrible human being? What if he/she rejected God? What if he/she…. On and on.

Was it worth it to chance it?

Yes. 100%.

“Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.” — Psalm 127:3

We had our baby in 2010; a beautiful girl we named Kayla.

Now I was a mom of 3. The older two were in school and I was working part-time at home, remotely for my company based out of NC.

Since my husband and I had talked about having 0 or 2, my assumption was we would start trying to have another baby within a reasonable time period so the ‘siblings’ would be close in age. The step-kids were much older and that age gap made the baby seem almost like an only child.

When a year had passed, I mentioned it to my husband, but we weren't ready yet.

I had planned to have my kids 1 ½ years apart, just like my brother and I are. This was not going according to plan!

I was upset that I would never have another child, but then it dawned on me. My timing is not God's timing. Even if the siblings were going to be more than a year apart, we could actually still have another one down the road. After all, my step-kids are 3 ½ years apart and always got along great. I still had time!

My spirits lifted.

A while later, I mentioned it to my husband again and he asked, “aren't you content with what we have?”

That made me think. I was content. I could continue being content with only one biological child and two step-kids.

But why did I still want another one!?

I knew exactly what another child would mean—the expense, the sleepless nights, the sacrifices, and the countless unknowns.

I still wanted another one.

I didn't want to have another child if my husband wasn't on board. I would never want to pressure him or have him resent a choice I made or a child I convinced him to have. So, I decided never to speak to him about it again.

I went to God instead.

I prayed, “God, you know the desires of my heart. You have what's best for me in your plans. If it's your will for me to have another baby, please put it on my husband's heart. I will not speak of it to him, but if it's your will, have him bring it up to me.”

I left it at that and waited. And waited. And waited.

A few months later…

Out of the blue,

My husband paused the TV, turned to me and asked, “how often do you think about having another baby?”

I immediately teared up.

“Every day.”

He said one of the most romantic things ever.

“Kids are more important than letting our concerns stand in the way.”

We had Keira shortly after that. She and Kayla are 3 ½ years apart, but super close friends!

Looking back, I can see God's providence; had my girls been born according to my timeline instead of His, they wouldn't have the unique relationship they have today. I thought I needed children eighteen months apart. God knew they would thrive three and a half years apart.

Maybe you're waiting for a spouse, a child, healing, a job, or an answer that seems long overdue. Waiting doesn't mean God has forgotten you. Sometimes His greatest gifts aren't just in what He gives, but in what He teaches us while we wait. Looking back, I wouldn't change God's timing for my family. His plan was better than mine.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 — “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”

Habakkuk 2:3 — The vision has an appointed time; even if it seems delayed, wait for it.

Isaiah 60:22 — “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” (NLT)

Thank the Lord for his gifts and promises!

****For those of you still trying to have a baby and for those of you who have lost a child, born or unborn, here are some resources for you!!

Know that I am praying for you and I’m here for you!